AMANA FREEZER PARTS

This photo is not photoshopped in any way. I am actually working to improve my home.

This is above and beyond the standard cleaning and maintenance required of me. If you asked Lisa she would tell you that I do not clean around the house and in fact make it messier just by my mere presence. I am, in her eyes, some horrible progeny of Pigpen and the Tasmanian Devil, leaving destruction and a thin veneer of filth in my wake. While I do have a propensity to take a few shortcuts now and then, I do more than my fair share of cleaning around the house. Lisa is currently running a scam in which she asks me to cook/clean as a favor to her since her back/shoulder/neck/ass hurts or since she worked all day. This may seem perfectly harmless but the scam part is that she has rerouted her neural network so that any favor asked of me performed in her stead is actually a check in her column, not mine, and in arguments she can still claim that I don't do anything around the house.

This, however, is an entirely different matter. We're currently renovating the kitchen and just had the walls and the cabinets painted. I'm installing new handles on the cabinets, brushed metal affairs that, combined with the new cabinet colors, give the room a lot more light, unlike the old cabinets and handles which were composed mainly of dark matter.

The odd position I find myself in is that, while I wasn't really behind this whole project at the start, now I'm invested in seeing it to completion. Details that before went unnoticed now stand out like a sore thumb. The old rangehood now looks like it travelled through time from the 50s in order to spy on our kitchen. The refrigerator and dishwasher, previously given a passing grade, could now be mistaken as items salvaged from a shipwreck. The oven, already slated for removal and replacement, lends the cheery air of a man marked for death. I'm honestly thinking thoughts like "Man, I can't wait to see what the new countertops look like." I can feel my testicles straining to escape their confines to seek greener pastures.

I'm not as in love with the new wall color as I am with the cabinets. It's not so much a dislike as a not-used-to-it-yet. It's a striking change from the half-Lassie-era wallpaper, half-bare, crumbling wall motif we had going. The color's been compared to a blue found mostly in aquariums and I couldn't muster a compelling argument to the contrary. There's nothing particularly wrong with aquariums. I just don't cook a lot of fish.

My living room is painted a blood red so deep that I'm surprised some enterprising goth didn't snatch the place up before we did. It somehow brings a warmth to the room as well as a "Hey, strangely that looks nice" reaction from everyone upon first seeing it. I'm sure the previous owners had the same reaction as we're having to our kitchen when they changed their living room from some neutral, inoffensive color, to it looking as if the elevator doors from the Shining had opened in their living room.